Friday, October 25, 2013
Friday, October 18, 2013
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
My journey with Islam has started when I was about 16 years old, although back then I didn’t even consider a possibility of converting to Islam.
I’ve always been fascinated by Turkish and Arabic culture but it used to be more in a form of Hobby.
That was when I first came across Islam ,unfortunately my opinion about this religion was rather bad ,I didn’t understand it and even I would say I was afraid of Muslims and their religion.
I would talk to a few Muslims back then, but mostly my all questions were based on very negative stereotypes. I wanted to prove them wrong and at the same time comfort myself and find the answers for long bothering me questions about Christianity.
Back then I would realize how little I knew about my faith, that I would call myself a Christian without even knowing the basics of the religion.
At this time I felt I really needed religion in my life ,I wanted to get this peaceful feeling people sometimes describe they have ,but I could not get it.
I would pray and go church but nothing would make me feel at ease and the questions I had, still remained unanswered.
At some point I realized I started losing my faith ,I was not as willing to go church anymore and asked by parents to do it ,I’d rebel against it.
I started reading more about Islam ,I was feeling there is something I like in this religion something what makes me research it more and more ,I would associate myself with Muslims more but then there were times when I would get scared - feeling that something is changing.
Especially the worst was the fear of rejection of my family ,friends and the society in general.
I couldn’t make up my mind for a long time ,I would call myself Muslim but never actually said the Shahada, asked about my religion I’d say Islam. I think back then my heart has already decided in spite of me being scared.
After I finished my college ,some other events in my life caused that I had to leave Poland and move to the UK. That was actually when I discovered the real Islam and how generous and amazing people are Muslims.
I’ve got lots of support and understanding at the most difficult times.
I always felt welcomed and special.
That was when I said Shahada officially in the age of 18 ,I learnt how to pray and be Muslim and the most important I finally found this feeling in my heart I was looking for such a long time, alhamdulilah for being Muslim.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
How I became Muslim? Why Islam? What’s wrong with Christianity?
This questions I am hearing almost everyday so there is an answer on all this questions...
Let's start from the beginning...
I born in 1995 in small village in Poland in normal Christian family. We never was very religious, we was going to church just in the feasts. I celebrated Christmas not because of Jesus (peace be upon him) birthday but because it was something like traditions, every year we was waiting on candy, Christmas tree and for sure for Santa Claus nothing more was important in this day...
First time I heard about Islam it was on history lesson in primary school I was maybe 8-9 years old. I was too young to know something more about it but from this day word 'Islam' was really special for me. When I heard this word I was feeling warm in my heart but i never thought about it more I was just a kid and generally I just didn't care with it till I visited Tunisia. I really fell in love with Azan 5 times per day and when first time i visited a mosque I was just feeling like it's my home! After I backed Poland i started to read more about an Arab culture and Islam :) i was really fascinated with it like a culture but i still didn't know
so much about the religion i was just hearing in TV that Muslims are bad so we should be far from them...
When i was 14 years old i created a blog about Arab culture i was writting about everything but one day i decided to write something about Islam and i was really surprised. I didn’t know that The God of Jews, Christians and Muslims is the same ! I didn't know that Muslims believe in all prophets from Adam to Muhammad... I even didn't know that they believe in a Jesus. I read all Bible and i really had so much questions... One day i went to church to ask some priest to answer on them but in the true i didn't get any answer... it was just like this:
- If Jesus was praying to the God so why the Christians calling Jesus a God ??
- Hmmm - said priest... can u ask me another question ?
- Why in Bible is said that no one can see God but a lot of people saw Jesus??
- Because he was on the earth the prophet?
- So if he was a prophet why people calling him God?
- don’t u have another questions??
- Why in Bible is said that the God is one and Christians saying that there is one God in 3 persons??
- Because God isn't God without son and holy ghost....i think...
- Why the Christian’s are believing only in new testament and in something from old ??
- Because old testament is for Jews..
- Do you know how the God created earth ?
- Yes for sure it's in Bible
- Yes it is but in old testament so u just told me that u don't follow it
- something we are following
- How can u follow this what u like and don't follow this what u don't like ??
- Only God know....
This talk just made me more sure that there is something wrong with my religion... How can I believe in something on what even priest don't know answer??
After I backed home and opened internet i started to search the answer on this questions there and then i found some very interesting movie " 10 reasons why Jesus can't be
a God". It was a short movie created by some muslins scholarship i decided to watch all and it really made me think so much about my religion. I was praying to God and
asking God to show me a right way.
For about 2 years i was studying Islam when i was 16 i met some Muslims friends who was saying me so much about their religion...every question I had I got a sensible answer and everyday i was just more and more sure that it is a right religion that I Believe in Allah the Only One True God and in all prophets from Adam to Muhammad, i believe that Jesus ( peace be upon Him) is a prophet from Allah, that Torah Bible and Quran was sent from the One God Allah, I believe in angels and in Quran the last word for people from Allah. Also some of my friends asked me this questions and after she heard my answer she said
-Fatma you are muslim why don't you want to say shahadah ? What if you die now?
- I am worry to say it...
- Listen we never know when we die! Maybe it's your last Day on this world?? If you are sure that there is no God than Allah so why to be worry say shahadah ?
This talked made me really think seriously about said shahada and after one month from this day on 16 February 2012 I decided to say shahada on Skype with my best friend and his mum I said word by word follow her i felt like new born baby i felt so amazing so warm on my heart. After i said Shahadah I was sure I did the best decision in all my life and the first thing after I became Muslim was pray.. i was waiting this day so much i was dreaming to pray in Islamic way and finally this Day came.. i made my first wodho I put hijab on my head and i prayed... the feeling ? I really can't describe i just remember that i had tears in my eyes....
I am so grateful that Allah choosed me and made me Muslim and that Allah choosed my best friend to became my husband and his mom my mom I love them so much and I
would never dream to have better family than i have now Alhamdulillah ! I love them so much with all my heart and i am sure that it's not end that Allah still have some plan for me
In 24 June 2013 I became the Muslim also on paper i said a shahadah in Al Azhar mosque :) Alhamdulillah :)
Friday, October 11, 2013
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
It was a sunny, spring day. As always before examination period I was reading a book sitting in a library. I would never expect that this simple, ordinary day will literally change my life. Back then I was 21 years old, and I could simply describe myself as a young, ambitious psychology student. I have just graduated prestigious high school and started to continue my education in a way I always desired. I felt like I will go through the best years of my life.
“Hey, I am so sorry to disturb you but I just couldn’t hold myself” I heard suddenly. “ I saw you before here and I was always really shy to come and talk to you but I had to try” First thing I noticed when I looked up, were a huge brown eyes and extremely black eyelashes, just staring at me. “ You must think I am a creep, I am so sorry, My name is Mohammad, and I just wanted to know your name”. I was all shocked because something like this never happened to me. Not only that a stranger comes to me but the fact that his name is so highly related to a stereotype of arab guys which I had in my head. From what I remember now, I had a really extreme scheme of all muslims, which of course have been created by media and by random books which I have read. I got a bit scared in the beginning but I smiled to him. “ Hello, nice to meet you, my name is Adrianna”
Back then I would never expect that this trivial words will influence my life and put it on extremely different path comparing to which I was on.
After many meetings and talks me and Mohammad got married. He was a medicine student in Poland, originally coming from Sweden. Our mental connection and the way of understanding was like form the movies. We simply couldn’t stay away from each-other. We were fighting against his friends, my friends and my family. Everybody was against us being together and nobody wanted to accept, until they saw how in love we are. How amazingly we understand each other. In the beginning our relationship was a secret for his parents. They were threatening him from the beginning of his studies in Poland. That if he will meet any polish girl he would no longer be their son. And they will do everything for this not to happen. Despite of this we couldn’t live without each other and our plan was that I will get prepared to meet them and when I am ready and when Mohammad is finishing his studies we will tell them about everything.
Since I remember I was always interested about religion. Of course my interests were focusing on Christianity issues but still I tried to seek for knowledge for years. I had a lot of questions which raised after me reading a Bible and many different articles and historical facts. I never could find anybody who was able to explain me or answer me. That was giving me a huge intellectual “headache” but during my life I learnt to ignore it. After I met Mohammad my “thirst” of gaining new knowledge was finally fulfilled. In the beginning I was just so fascinated about the way he prays and how sincerely he is doing it. I started feeling that something is missing in my life. We have gone through so many deep discussions. I was so happy that for the first time in my life somebody has such a huge knowledge about religion, politics and history. I remember how hard for me was to accept many stuff I was finding out. Especially I couldn’t just blindly take information and fallow them. My research about Islam took almost 2 years. During this time I was reading both Quran and Bible, I was studying history of early Christianity and Islam. I watched plenty of documentary movies both in polish and English. The hardest thing was for me to get rid of the wrong stereotype I had in my head. I was so scared to define myself as a Muslim. But one day I just couldn’t run anymore. I sat on the floor in the living room and started praying with Mohammad. I felt like I finally found my peace. I already started learning Arabic so it was not hard at all to memorize the words of the Quran. I did not care anymore about the society, people and my family. I made a decision by myself. And it was the best decision I could ever make.
And that would be the best ending, and my fairy tail could last forever. Being a Muslim with a perfect man by my side, even supported by family and friends, no matter what I do.
Unfortunatelly for me my hard journey was just about to begin and I was completely unaware of this. Me and Mohammad was sure that now when I converted, it will be much easier to tell his parents and to make them accept us. Especially that I already met a lot of Muslims who simply was so astonished by my conversion and by my knowledge. When Mohammad graduated, we have already planned everything. He was supposed to go home talk to his parents and after couple of weeks I was supposed to join him. My flight ticket was already bought and I was waiting. The day when I got a phone call from my husband after he told his parents, will be in my memory till the rest of my life. He was crashed. He never expected such an extreme reaction. His mother was literally threatening that she will kill herself. Or that she will destroy me. That it is impossible for us to continue and that they will never accept a polish girl, no matter that she can be a good Muslim. They were blackmailing Mohammad and not even giving him a choice. I am not here to judge them . They had their own reasons of such behavior and I strongly believe they are not bad people but Mohammad was simply too weak to ignore their words. He told me all this and said that it is impossible for us to be together in such case.
He was fighting for us and doing everything that they accept us, but it was just making it worse. We decided that it is better that we will not continue. It was so extremely hard. Not only loosing the love of my life but being left alone as a new converted Muslim in polish society. Ailhamduillah I have a lot of Muslim friends from Sweden and they literally forced me to come to them. It was Ramadan and I needed them a lot. I have been in Sweden for 1 month living with Muslim family and learning more and more about the religion. During that time Mohammad just couldn’t leave, he started contacting me and telling me that he will fight more. That he cant leave his family but that he will do everything what he can for us to be together. But all this was just empty words. I have been waiting for months, not moving on with my life, waiting for his acts. But he was just either fooling me or being in a really hard situation when he had to choose between love of his life and love of his parents. Every time I started to forget him he was calling me and crying about how much he loves me. Until now he neither cant let me go nor he can leave his family. The only thing I can say that I pray to Allah for strength. Ailhamduilah I found my way and even if it takes so much pain I happy I could be on the right path and I am sure that Allah has a plan for me.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Before I turned 19 I went to Jordan, as a vacation, with my parents. I was still a wilde child :P always seeking attention especially from men. During our trip I also visited a mosque and there I changed.
When I enter I felt like I was welcome, that it was my home. the rest of my vacation I tend to cover myself more. When i got home I started to read about islam and ask question to muslims i met on the internet. I think 6 months later I became Muslim. :) I haven't doubt my decision since.
Of course in the beginning I wasn't perfect, not drinking was easy for me, i didn't like it anyway. but i didn't know how to pray, and the boyfriend that I had then actually didn't like i became muslim although he was supposed to be muslim :S So i learned mosth things in secret hh. Step by step i wear more approprate cloths and one day I felt someone was telling me that I was ready to wear my hijab to work, I worn it everywere but there because i didn't want any problems. But that day i wear it, and since than i never took it off for anyone. Hamdullilah :D
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Before I came to Egypt, I was sure that Muslims are bad people. After I came to Hurghada for the first time I was really suprised because all pepole ( not even in the hotel) were really very friendly. When my parents left me alone in the hotel for one day, staff looked on me for a whole day. I was like a sister for all of them. I found a great friends from the staff. I didn't wanted to leave the hotel ( I think, as all tourists). So when i backed Russia I continued talking with my best friends from Hurghada. They told me a lot of things about Islam then i started to think about it for about 2 weeks, i was reading so much books about Islam. Then finally I decided that Islam is the best religion and muslims are really great people. I decided to convert when I understood that Isam is better that Christianity because womens are hidding their beuty for their husband and they don't have any physical contacts before marry and parents are taking care about children very well :) Till now I have so much muslim friends and they are always helping me and they will never leave me with my problems alone :)
Thursday, October 3, 2013
My story about how I became muslim begin in 2008 after finish high school I traveled to another country to stay only with grandparents n some relatives I was just 16 years old, never separated form my parents before, so this experience was shocking for me, I fell into a deep depression, and as a young teenager I let myself guide by shallow stereotypes of the moment whichs in this country (argentina) was strong in society on girls since a very early age, so in this confussion I just began to focus more in shallow issues, and then it brought me to a eating disorder was a stormy year to me sometimes I was in my room for days without go outside and none came never to ask if I was ok or alive yet even, my grandparents had their own things my relatives too, so one night I had a dream, when I woke up I go curious what it means? and then went to the internet and began to search about Islam, I decided to find a way that bring me peace certainly I never agreed with christianism since I studied in a catholic school ruled by nuns and priests always praying in the church it grew in me a desire of be closer to religion always but in same time I wasn't sure about if my religion was christianism or being catholic about some of their behaviours and some of their beliefs, so that day I was on internet looking info about Islam just by curiosity then I met Rukiye a turkish girl, and other girls one from spain also converted and some others that I couldn't keep contact with, just Rukiye who's since the beginning till now with me Alhamdulillah, I told her about my curiosity to learn about Islam, she helped me a lot in same way we used to talk about politics too is a very wise girl masha'Allah, finishing that year I came back to my country Peru,being here my interest grew up more for that time, I was few years between university and learning just by reading even I said shahadah when I was with a friend on videocall, I wanted still to do it with a Imam, then I met this turkish boy who Alhamdulillah also helped me a lot learning since he was in a dorm of Islam he used to share some of his knowledge and suggest me some good books to read and then he told me about a Cemaat a dergah of muslims here in my city so last year I went there, a bit afraid , but they confirmed more how beautiful is islam by their way of life the noor in them the caring of them towards me always, so with the Imam there I took shahadah last year and, all this time all happened to me was hiden and i s still hiden from my family, when I did a little try to tell them about islam to tell them that im muslim they simply reacted so bad making a walla between them and me about Islam which makes me sad even for prays and anything I should do it hide from them which make my way more difficult but I trust Allah, for the best :)
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Well let us start at the very beginning...i was born into a very ordinary Christian family in the early 60s, so there was nothing unusual in the fact that my parents divorced when i was three years old, it was simply a fact of the times, and although i did not realise it at the time i was to become a victim of the times.
My mother had an affair with a friend of my fathers that culminated in her leaving the family home to live with him and raise his children, She awoke one day, leaving me and my younger sister in the home alone, and left .. just up and walked out of the front door. Well, that left my father alone caring for two very young daughters, and in the early sixties that was no easy fete,so after a struggle trying to raise us and hold down a full time job he decided to give up our home and we moved in with his parents.
By the age of 11 my father had remarried and moved into a new home with his new wife, we were promised that we would join him very soon, but that never became a reality. My sister and i were left with our Grandparents, they cared for us, clothed and fed us and to be honest yes as God fearing Christians they installed into us a good background of respect and honesty.... but there was no love....... and without going into a lot of details i experienced a lot of abuse.. both mental and physical, From the age of 3 i had known very much sadness and pain, ..never a loving hug or words of kindness came my way....so many times the words 'Your just like your Mother echoed my way/
I grew up with my grandparents and being the typical western teenager at the age of 18 i decided to leave home..... become independent....... at least i couldn't still be hurt, or could i ?
Yes i could and was, so many times.......at the age of 24 i met the father of my three sons.... i believed was a good man. huh, okkkk ... yes he worked very hard always...... never messed about with other women, but .......... the one thing i always craved was to feel good inside...... to be loved and respected..... this never happened......... the promise of marriage always there......... never fulfilled......... My fault ? YES i believe so, i was naive, so believing, trusting ..........then i had a car accident........ followed by a major operation on my neck to prevent quadraplegia ..... how much worse could it get..... i stayed in my bedroom most of the time alone....i began to drink, i was taking so many prescription drugs as i was unable to move without pain.... my life became full of sadness.... i mean complete despair...... i had received no respect from my partner..... and no respect from my sons......my heart and my body were broken..... i ceased to exist... I desperately Prayed that i would really cease to exist.
May be right or wrong i began to talk to some friends on the internet..... they were Muslim.....One was an imam, i was invited to visit them in şanlıurfa Turkey.
woooow ...should i go or not my loyalty's were with my family, my sons..... i had vowed so many times they would not grow up without their mother as i had.
i spoke to my sister. i didnt know what to do....... I knew i had to do something . I couldnt continue as i had....... 24 hours a day spent in my bedroom with a bottle of wine or 2 or 3............I believed i was worthless no one could possible care for me ....... until my sister spoke these words........ she had tears in her eyes as she told me that she expected to come round to see me one day and i would be dead...she said it frightened her so much.This really shocked me ......... i had not expected this....... so with her blessing I told my partner it was finished...... I told my sons i was going away for a while.
There was a lot of disapproval, much name calling, i was called selfish among many other things.... but, i booked my flight, packed my case and in June 2008 i found myself in Turkey........
I stayed with a fantastic family, so full of love and understanding. Maybe i was brave or stupid .. I don't know. these were people i didn't really know very well..... I was a single woman alone in a foreign country..... but I have never felt so safe or loved as I did then.......... they spoke of Islam and their love of Allah. l saw this on a daily basis there. I began to realise that i could be loved that my life was worth something, there was a purpose, and more to the point I was not to blame
Well, after a few months my imam the father of my wonderful Turkish family became very ill, he had apparently been suffering from diabetes from years but had not known, all medicines, doctors and hospital treatment have to be paid for in Turkey and the family were ordinary village people, they did not have the financial means to see a doctor for every ailment. My Imam was rushed to hospital, where he had both legs amputated, after a couple of weeks he had lost his sight and the ability to speak, he died within the month. . The family no longer had the bread winner so they had to move back to the city so that their other family members could help them, it was with a very sad and heavy heart i had to leave.
I returned back to the UK , feeling so different, I was heartbroken that i was parted from the ones that had shown me so much that had shared their home their lives and their love but i felt different they had taught me something great something wonderful, that i was worth something..... I could be loved.........
I continued to speak with my family over the internet, we spoke of Islam and the more i learned the more i wanted to feel safe, to be loved,to belong, i wanted to share and be part of what my Turkish family have, and to have peace in my life so on the 15th November 2008 i said the Shahada and declared my belief in the oneness of Allahu ta'âlâ and acceptance of Muhammad "peace be upon Him" as his Prophet.
I began to wear Hijab after a couple weeks and wear it always now, i say salaat everyday. i moved 300 miles away from my home town with two of my sons...A new start.......... its not easy i wont pretend it is, sometimes i feel a little lonely and sometimes i shed a tear for the child that had to endure such a painful life, but .........
yes i found Islam.... and Yes everything is wonderful Alhamdulillah ,
Allah has given me a NEW BEGINNING
I would like to say that i shed more than one tear writing this but now they are tears of happiness